Defined By God, No One Else

Never allow a person to define you.

Two decades ago, I instinctively gave this advice to a close friend who was going through a verbally abusive marriage. Years later I clung to that phrase as I wrestled through my own abusive marriage. But my husband hadn’t been the only person over the years to try to define me.

I was told by rejected male suitors that I was never going to find what I was looking for in a relationship.

I was told by a so called “friend” that I was an ice queen.

I was told by a business associate that my faith was just a phase I was going through.

I was told by a family member that I couldn’t be a Christian writer.

I was told by a neighbor to give up my dreams because at my age it should have happened by now.

People try to define us as a means to control us, but only God can be trusted with that power. It is in God’s hands that we are molded into our best selves, the people he created us to be, modelled after his divine image.

Are we works in progress, full of flaws? Yes. But God gives us glimpses of the people we are becoming. It is these moments of insight we must come to embody, and not the hurtful definitions left on us by broken people, including ourselves.

I was told that I couldn’t change by people who don’t understand the process of change through Christ.

In Christ, we are made into new people. Our pasts no longer define us. With the spirit of Christ dwelling inside of us, our thoughts and actions shift to please God rather than people. These beautiful transformations aren’t even something we can congratulate ourselves for, because we aren’t doing it! Philippians 2:13 says that it is God himself, working in both our will and our behavior to do what pleases him.

In Mark 9, a man with a demon-possessed son comes to Jesus after the disciples were unable to cast out the demon. Jesus tells the man that all things are possible to those who believe. The man cries out with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” This statement seems to match the heart of all of our problems—that we can’t grasp ahold of anything without God’s assistance—not even our faith.

Jesus heals the boy and also helps the father’s unbelief. If you are struggling with self-esteem issues, don’t look to the world for empty platitudes. We are not to think more highly than we ought, as God hates pride, or as lacking in value, since Jesus came and died for each one of us. Rather, we can find our security and esteem in the one who dwells in us—Jesus.

Ask God to help you to become more like him. If you continue to struggle with the lies of the enemy, consider praying and fasting for a set amount of time to allow you to better focus on how God sees you.

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief… in who you say I am!”

If you could use a few encouraging reminders of who you are in Christ, I’d love to share some of the ways God has re-defined me:

Lie: “You won’t find what you’re looking for in love.”

     Truth: You have a blessed and prosperous future ahead of you. (Je.  29:11)

Lie: “You’re evil.”

     Truth: I’ve been reconciled by God and presented as holy and blameless. (Col. 1:21-22)

Lie: “You’re an ice queen.”

     Truth: God gave me a new heart of flesh and a new spirit. (Ezk. 36:26)

Lie: “Your faith is just a phase.”

     Truth: I am eternally secure in Christ. (Jn. 10:28)

Lie: “You can’t be a Christian writer.”

     Truth: I was created to make positive contributions to God’s glory. (Eph. 2:10)

Lie: “It’s too late for your dreams.”

     Truth: Remain connected to God and your prayers will be answered. (Jn. 15:7)

Lie: “You’ll never change.”

     Truth: My past doesn’t define me. I am a new creation in Christ. (2 Co. 5:17)

Never allow others to define you. You are defined solely by an eternal God who generously sees past your flaws, faults, and weaknesses and pleasingly gazes at your transformed self.

Toxic people often use both inflated words and hurtful insults to try and control others. When the enemy feeds you lies about yourself, don’t swallow them.

Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Ro. 12:2)

Whisper this:

“In Christ, I’m a new me. My old life is gone; my new life is here.”